I have decided to write about whatever profound thing happens to enter my mind during that extraordinarily important hour on Sunday morning every Sunday, so this is going to be the first of many Sunday Mass Reflections.
The story I bring to you all today is one not about wonderful Catholic piety or even a spiritual breakthrough that occurred to me during the homily or readings. It is the story of a pretty teenage girl and her family
I had gotten there early and was spending the minutes before mass in prayer, and in come walking a large family, with a girl about my age among their ranks, helping her Grandma who had a walker and needed to get to the pew every step of the way. She did it with the largest of smiles, with a happy disposition, like she was just joyous to be with her family. She was also exceedingly beautiful, and I must admit I had to mortify myself to keep concentrated on my prayers. Mass began, and once communion came around, I looked over to get into line, and there she was, helping her Grandma into line with the same smile on her face, and something peculiar happened.
She didn't get into line.
Now, there are 2 foreseeable reasons why she would not get into line to receive, either she was in a state of mortal sin or she did not believe in the real presence, but I am banking on the latter, as that is the most common reason and also because it is common sense not to receive something so highly revered which you do not believe in, whereas the other reason is solely a matter of doctrine which would be much harder to know about based solely on one's own thinking. Or maybe she is just super devout and had already received two times before, but seeing as it was 10:30, I highly doubt it. Either way, she didn't receive communion. At first, I was sorta disappointed, and I guess I still am. It is such a wonderful thing that you want everybody to receive it. After I received, however, I looked over to the family and she had her little sister in her lap, looking at a coloring book with her and still smiling, and I thought about how committed she must be to her family and how much love she must have for them to be willing to be dragged to Catholic mass (which is definitely not the most exciting of things for the onlooker) with them.
Obviously I would wish for her to enter into communion with the Catholic Church, but matters of Religious distinctions melted away in my mind and instead I began to reflect on the human love that I witnessed. Despite a difference in belief, the young girl was still part of their family, and she was so accepted and felt so loved that she was willing to go to mass with them just to help out. She could of stayed home and done whatever it is that teenage girls do, but instead she stayed by her family's side. It was an absolutely touching moment for me, and a great opportunity to peer into the realm of love that permeates the Gospel message.
I walked out into the front lobby of the Church and their she was yet again, slipping a glove and hat onto her little sister. Perhaps you had to be there or perhaps I am looking a bit too deep into this, but it was heartwarming to witness, and a reminder that we are all looking for the same thing, perfect love. As a human race, we all have a hole in our hearts that is searching for belonging, love, and family. We know that it is found in Christ, but just because someone else believes a different thing than we do, still our fundamental interest is the same, and still we can live together in harmony.
Hope you enjoyed the story.
Peace,
The Boy Pilgrim
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Melody Mond- Err... Wednesday. 12/26/12
I was sitting on my computer one particular December 26th when I decided to create Music Mondays! And then I realized that it was, of course, Wednesday. A sad, sad Wednesday it was. A man's will, however, is not diminished by mere obstacles, rather, it is tempted and pushed on by stronger desire! So, I set out to find an alliteration, and I asked myself, what words are associated with Music? Melody. Motown. Metal. It seemed the odds were against me, and that Monday was tantalizing me, holding the grapes right out of reach. I started to lose hope on an alliterative title, and finally, the will of a man was destroyed. After all, a man who wishes to prove that yellow is a square must surely give up, lest he drive himself mad. So, I present to you, Melody Wednesday.
The first song that I will be highlighting comes from one of my favorite musicians of all time, Jason Mraz. Most people know him by his cheery, poppy tunes. "I'm Yours" and "Lucky" are amongst his greatest hits, and both great songs. The true treasure of this singer songwriter from San Diego California is in his acoustic, often unreleased tracks. He is a master of poetry, wordplay, alliteration, and rhythm, and can sing better than anyone I know. He is certainly a master, and for the inaugural Melody Wednesday, I present to you his song "Prettiest Friend."
The song tells the story of a crush, perhaps a harmless crush, but one that is driving the man mad. He, although overwhelmed and impatient with the whole situation, has to learn to be patient with friendship for the time being before he can come to reach the things he truly wants with her, and even then, it is not certain that he will achieve those things. The way it unfolds is yet to be told.
And then, he gets the girl, and it is golden, but the song doesn't end there. He still is open, and yet again, the way it unfolds is yet to be told. It is a great testament to the eternal mystery of life, and a wonderful example of the openness it takes to navigate life successfully. Hope you enjoy it.
Jason Mraz: Prettiest Friend
The first song that I will be highlighting comes from one of my favorite musicians of all time, Jason Mraz. Most people know him by his cheery, poppy tunes. "I'm Yours" and "Lucky" are amongst his greatest hits, and both great songs. The true treasure of this singer songwriter from San Diego California is in his acoustic, often unreleased tracks. He is a master of poetry, wordplay, alliteration, and rhythm, and can sing better than anyone I know. He is certainly a master, and for the inaugural Melody Wednesday, I present to you his song "Prettiest Friend."
The song tells the story of a crush, perhaps a harmless crush, but one that is driving the man mad. He, although overwhelmed and impatient with the whole situation, has to learn to be patient with friendship for the time being before he can come to reach the things he truly wants with her, and even then, it is not certain that he will achieve those things. The way it unfolds is yet to be told.
And then, he gets the girl, and it is golden, but the song doesn't end there. He still is open, and yet again, the way it unfolds is yet to be told. It is a great testament to the eternal mystery of life, and a wonderful example of the openness it takes to navigate life successfully. Hope you enjoy it.
Jason Mraz: Prettiest Friend
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
People Who Need People
Welp, it is Christmas, and our Lord has come. Appropriately, Etta James is in the background singing "At last my love has come around." Thanks Pandora motown station, you rock. As a recent Pope has said, "In the realm of divine providence, there are no mere coincidences."
All soul-filled(but rather pitchy, to be perfectly honest. [Sorry Etta]) occurrences aside, my priest hit on a point in his homilies during the past few days that I would really like to explore and share. "We are people who need people" says Father Kosem.
We are people who need people. As I sat in the pews listening, the poet within me began to smile. It was beautiful, and perfect. We are people who need people, that is the way we are designed. We hunger and thirst to relate to mankind. Christianity is no strictly personal nor singular religion. Even our God is relation, the Trinity is defined by how the persons relate to each other. It would seem fitting, then, if we are created from and reflect this God, then our personhood is defined by our relation, and our natural end depends on relating to one another. If we do not relate, we become an imperfect person, missing the mark of who we were created to be. Even more than just relating to one another, the Trinity relates in love. It would then follow that if we do not relate in love, we are imperfect as humans, we are missing what we were truly meant to be.
And because of this, because of the very reason that we were designed to reach out to the rest of mankind in love to be completed, Christ became incarnate. He became man so that we could relate to him, not just as his creation, but as his own kind. If we are people who need people, then God needed to become one of those people. Not only can we now relate to him as brothers, but he can relate to us in the same way.
When we make friendships and enter into relationships, the other person, in a way, completes us. The love they share with us fills something inside of us. They are, however, finite. They can't totally heal us.
Christ is infinite. When he, as our brother, shares his love with us, it does more than just partially heals us. It completes us, and we become the very things that we were created to be, for we can now relate in perfect love.
The priest then told a story. I'm adapting it to my own particular likings, and since I have recently been reading the Arabian Nights, my personal likings involve genies and magic. This little story isn't set in the Middle East though, it is in Ireland. Yeah.
Once there was a wealthy man, who owned a stable and was a great friend of God. He spent many hours in prayer, during the morning, during the night, and intermittently throughout the day. He was extremely generous with his wealth, and he could ask God for anything, and it would surely be granted him. He was well known across the land for his great horses, and he loved them very dearly. People came from all over the world to marvel at the shine of their coats, the strength of their legs, and the speed of their strides as they galloped along the grassy knolls.
Not only was high regard spread all throughout the land, but envy was as well. There was a treacherous genie who saw the horses and desired them for himself. So one night after the sun had gone down and the stable owner to sleep, he transformed himself into a horse. He tricked all the horses of the man to follow him into the field that the genie owned, about one mile away from the stables they called home. When the stable owner awoke, he found that his horses were gone, and we wept bitterly. He went to all of his neighbors, and asked them if they had seen his precious horses. No one had any information, for the genie had taken the horses during the darkest hour of night. The man wept bitterly, but he decided he would try one last house.
He knocked, and the genie came and greeted him.
"What do you want, stable man?"
"Oh terrible genie, my horses, they have escaped! Have you seen them? Surely a creature of your stature must have seen them with your sharp eyes."
The genie, not being the brightest of creatures, told him everything.
"Listen to me, I have taken your horses and put them under my spell. They will remain with me, and there is not a thing you, human, can do about it."
At this the genie slammed the door shut and laughed to himself. The stable owner wept bitterly yet again, but he began devising ways to get his horses back. He asked God for a barrel of oats and grains, and behold, it was granted him. He tried to lure the horses with the oats and grains, but they had no effect. Next, he asked God for forty female horses, and yet again, they were granted him. He tried to arouse the horses and bring them forth with the female horses, but the horses seemed unaffected. The man was completely dumbfounded. "Surely, if they were not brought forth by the female horses, I am doomed to live without my beloved horses with me."
He sat and began to think. Suddenly, the words of the genie came back to him. "They will remain with me, and there is not a thing you, human, can do about it." Human. He prayed to God once more, but this time he said "Lord, I beg thee. You have never failed to hear me, and I ask that you hear me one more time. I am a wealthy man of great fame and fortune, and I have much to be proud of. I ask, however, that you deprive me of what I have. Remove from me my fine cloaks and even my precious jewels, and I beg thee, Lord, to grant that I may become a horse." The Lord heard his prayers with delight. God turned him into a horse, and the stable man entered the domain of his precious horses. At first he was a stranger to them, but then he talked to them. He told them of all the things that had happened to them, and they came to love him as their own. Finally, when their trust had been gained, he led them out of the genie's fileds and brought them back to his stables. The horses were joyous to be with their master and loved him now in a way they never had before, but the master was far more joyous than they, for he had reconciled his lost beloved with himself.
All he needed was to become a horse.
Peace, and may the tender love of the infant Jesus be with you.
The Boy Pilgrim
All soul-filled(but rather pitchy, to be perfectly honest. [Sorry Etta]) occurrences aside, my priest hit on a point in his homilies during the past few days that I would really like to explore and share. "We are people who need people" says Father Kosem.
We are people who need people. As I sat in the pews listening, the poet within me began to smile. It was beautiful, and perfect. We are people who need people, that is the way we are designed. We hunger and thirst to relate to mankind. Christianity is no strictly personal nor singular religion. Even our God is relation, the Trinity is defined by how the persons relate to each other. It would seem fitting, then, if we are created from and reflect this God, then our personhood is defined by our relation, and our natural end depends on relating to one another. If we do not relate, we become an imperfect person, missing the mark of who we were created to be. Even more than just relating to one another, the Trinity relates in love. It would then follow that if we do not relate in love, we are imperfect as humans, we are missing what we were truly meant to be.
And because of this, because of the very reason that we were designed to reach out to the rest of mankind in love to be completed, Christ became incarnate. He became man so that we could relate to him, not just as his creation, but as his own kind. If we are people who need people, then God needed to become one of those people. Not only can we now relate to him as brothers, but he can relate to us in the same way.
When we make friendships and enter into relationships, the other person, in a way, completes us. The love they share with us fills something inside of us. They are, however, finite. They can't totally heal us.
Christ is infinite. When he, as our brother, shares his love with us, it does more than just partially heals us. It completes us, and we become the very things that we were created to be, for we can now relate in perfect love.
The priest then told a story. I'm adapting it to my own particular likings, and since I have recently been reading the Arabian Nights, my personal likings involve genies and magic. This little story isn't set in the Middle East though, it is in Ireland. Yeah.
Once there was a wealthy man, who owned a stable and was a great friend of God. He spent many hours in prayer, during the morning, during the night, and intermittently throughout the day. He was extremely generous with his wealth, and he could ask God for anything, and it would surely be granted him. He was well known across the land for his great horses, and he loved them very dearly. People came from all over the world to marvel at the shine of their coats, the strength of their legs, and the speed of their strides as they galloped along the grassy knolls.
Not only was high regard spread all throughout the land, but envy was as well. There was a treacherous genie who saw the horses and desired them for himself. So one night after the sun had gone down and the stable owner to sleep, he transformed himself into a horse. He tricked all the horses of the man to follow him into the field that the genie owned, about one mile away from the stables they called home. When the stable owner awoke, he found that his horses were gone, and we wept bitterly. He went to all of his neighbors, and asked them if they had seen his precious horses. No one had any information, for the genie had taken the horses during the darkest hour of night. The man wept bitterly, but he decided he would try one last house.
He knocked, and the genie came and greeted him.
"What do you want, stable man?"
"Oh terrible genie, my horses, they have escaped! Have you seen them? Surely a creature of your stature must have seen them with your sharp eyes."
The genie, not being the brightest of creatures, told him everything.
"Listen to me, I have taken your horses and put them under my spell. They will remain with me, and there is not a thing you, human, can do about it."
At this the genie slammed the door shut and laughed to himself. The stable owner wept bitterly yet again, but he began devising ways to get his horses back. He asked God for a barrel of oats and grains, and behold, it was granted him. He tried to lure the horses with the oats and grains, but they had no effect. Next, he asked God for forty female horses, and yet again, they were granted him. He tried to arouse the horses and bring them forth with the female horses, but the horses seemed unaffected. The man was completely dumbfounded. "Surely, if they were not brought forth by the female horses, I am doomed to live without my beloved horses with me."
He sat and began to think. Suddenly, the words of the genie came back to him. "They will remain with me, and there is not a thing you, human, can do about it." Human. He prayed to God once more, but this time he said "Lord, I beg thee. You have never failed to hear me, and I ask that you hear me one more time. I am a wealthy man of great fame and fortune, and I have much to be proud of. I ask, however, that you deprive me of what I have. Remove from me my fine cloaks and even my precious jewels, and I beg thee, Lord, to grant that I may become a horse." The Lord heard his prayers with delight. God turned him into a horse, and the stable man entered the domain of his precious horses. At first he was a stranger to them, but then he talked to them. He told them of all the things that had happened to them, and they came to love him as their own. Finally, when their trust had been gained, he led them out of the genie's fileds and brought them back to his stables. The horses were joyous to be with their master and loved him now in a way they never had before, but the master was far more joyous than they, for he had reconciled his lost beloved with himself.
All he needed was to become a horse.
Peace, and may the tender love of the infant Jesus be with you.
The Boy Pilgrim
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Waiting, and Waiting, and Waiting.
I once told my buddy, who was going through a rough time, that he just wasn't listening hard enough to God. He replied "No Ben, sometimes, God just doesn't tell you anything."
At first, I thought to myself, "He was just going through a really hard time. He didn't actually mean it." The more I have grown, however, I realized that what he said was true. Sometimes we can't see the answer because, frankly, God isn't showing it to us.
Why wouldn't he show us the answer, or what we should do next? Part of it is just the sheer mysteriousness of God, something we will never truly comprehend, but there is a part of it that we can comprehend. Once upon a time, I stole my friend Liz's laptop. I ran around campus with it, holding it above my head, forcing her to chase me around. Finally I went inside and I let her get ahold of it. I said, "Liz. Let go of the laptop." She replied, "No! You're going to steal it again!" This exchange went on for some time. I kept telling her to trust me, but I never said I wasn't going to steal it. I didn't say what was going to happen next. I think you see where this is going. Finally, in an act of desperation, she trusted me, and let go of the laptop. I put the laptop down, and nothing bad happened.
The point of this story is twofold. Firstly, it highlights the siblingesque friendship that me and Liz have, which I enjoy greatly. Secondly, it shows that God keeps us hanging in the balance because we need to master one exercise in order to go on to the next. For Liz, she needed to master trust. Maybe you need to master trust too. Maybe, before you get to date that special someone, you need to learn to be chaste. Maybe before you get that job, you need to learn patience. Perhaps what we don't see is that God cannot just instantly work wonderful things into our lives. We need to be ready for them.
Even when we know what God wants, there is still waiting for God to give it to us. A good friend of mine has been married for, like, a bajillion years, and he and his wife have no children. He told me once, with acceptance, "We know where God wants us to go. He is just making us wait for some reason."
The moral of this story is that we need to learn how to respond to God. There are times when God shows us something, and that is the time to take action. Then we wait in stillness for God to respond, perfecting and improving ourselves. This stillness is so underrated and overlooked. A priest once told me in confession that everybody knows you need to be quiet, but that isn't what God calls us to in the psalms. "Be still, and know I am God." says the Lord.
If you are where I am right now, waiting for God to respond to you, take this time to look at where you are and where you need to be. It might just be a need to learn patience, or trust, or chastity, or charity. Examine yourself, pray to our Lord that He might prepare you, and watch yourself change. Be still, my friends, and know that He is God.
I leave you with one of the sweetest joys of man, a poem.
The point in waiting is to enjoy
To love and worship God
In every act of your life
Including the waiting.
And in the waiting
Remember His nature
That He is the Giver of every perfect gift
That He desires to lavish you with such treasures
Treasures that are worth the wait
Solely because He is in them.
Rest in this:
He is going to give you
Exactly what you need
At exactly the time you need it.
That is reason to smile
That is reason to breathe easy
And rest in Him.
Let go of “when” and “if”
Because His ways
Are so much higher than yours.
His thoughts
Beyond what you could ever fathom
Because He loves you.
Oh, how He loves you.
And that is the point
of your entire existence
To experience His presence
His love
Inside every moment
Especially in the waiting.
-Josiah Schwartz
Peace
-The Boy Pilgrim
At first, I thought to myself, "He was just going through a really hard time. He didn't actually mean it." The more I have grown, however, I realized that what he said was true. Sometimes we can't see the answer because, frankly, God isn't showing it to us.
Why wouldn't he show us the answer, or what we should do next? Part of it is just the sheer mysteriousness of God, something we will never truly comprehend, but there is a part of it that we can comprehend. Once upon a time, I stole my friend Liz's laptop. I ran around campus with it, holding it above my head, forcing her to chase me around. Finally I went inside and I let her get ahold of it. I said, "Liz. Let go of the laptop." She replied, "No! You're going to steal it again!" This exchange went on for some time. I kept telling her to trust me, but I never said I wasn't going to steal it. I didn't say what was going to happen next. I think you see where this is going. Finally, in an act of desperation, she trusted me, and let go of the laptop. I put the laptop down, and nothing bad happened.
The point of this story is twofold. Firstly, it highlights the siblingesque friendship that me and Liz have, which I enjoy greatly. Secondly, it shows that God keeps us hanging in the balance because we need to master one exercise in order to go on to the next. For Liz, she needed to master trust. Maybe you need to master trust too. Maybe, before you get to date that special someone, you need to learn to be chaste. Maybe before you get that job, you need to learn patience. Perhaps what we don't see is that God cannot just instantly work wonderful things into our lives. We need to be ready for them.
Even when we know what God wants, there is still waiting for God to give it to us. A good friend of mine has been married for, like, a bajillion years, and he and his wife have no children. He told me once, with acceptance, "We know where God wants us to go. He is just making us wait for some reason."
The moral of this story is that we need to learn how to respond to God. There are times when God shows us something, and that is the time to take action. Then we wait in stillness for God to respond, perfecting and improving ourselves. This stillness is so underrated and overlooked. A priest once told me in confession that everybody knows you need to be quiet, but that isn't what God calls us to in the psalms. "Be still, and know I am God." says the Lord.
If you are where I am right now, waiting for God to respond to you, take this time to look at where you are and where you need to be. It might just be a need to learn patience, or trust, or chastity, or charity. Examine yourself, pray to our Lord that He might prepare you, and watch yourself change. Be still, my friends, and know that He is God.
I leave you with one of the sweetest joys of man, a poem.
The point in waiting is to enjoy
To love and worship God
In every act of your life
Including the waiting.
And in the waiting
Remember His nature
That He is the Giver of every perfect gift
That He desires to lavish you with such treasures
Treasures that are worth the wait
Solely because He is in them.
Rest in this:
He is going to give you
Exactly what you need
At exactly the time you need it.
That is reason to smile
That is reason to breathe easy
And rest in Him.
Let go of “when” and “if”
Because His ways
Are so much higher than yours.
His thoughts
Beyond what you could ever fathom
Because He loves you.
Oh, how He loves you.
And that is the point
of your entire existence
To experience His presence
His love
Inside every moment
Especially in the waiting.
-Josiah Schwartz
Peace
-The Boy Pilgrim
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The Next Season
I just got home from my first semester of college, less than an hour ago. I am already donning pjs and listening to motown, and I can say it is good to be home.
My best friend Joe has this tendency to compare our lives to sitcoms. We have a group of four friends, and we hang around coffee shops and restaurants and talk about nothing. Its basically Seinfeld. From what my friends tell me, I am George, but I have to disagree. I'm not enough of a cheapster to be George.
Every semester of college is a new season of our sitcom, and Joe likes to plan ahead what is going to happen. Someone was supposed to die in season 1, but fortunately his prediction was incorrect. Season 1 ended with little to no international fanfare, but for me, there were many fireworks.
It has been a long semester of confusion for me. I entered into it completely unsure about my vocation, not knowing where my life was heading. There was no path in the woods, and I had no direction. I was a child. The way it felt was comparable to just sitting looking at a map of the entire world and not having any clue where you fit in. In the middle of the semester, however, a pattern seemed to come out of the woodwork. I started to see a path, maybe a delicate and faint path, but nevertheless there was a direction. I began to see, and I felt as though a page was turning in my life. I took those steps to get up off my ass and find out where I fit in. My odyssey had begun.
It was terrifying.
I am more timid than not, especially when it comes to making decisions that could potentially sway the direction of my life and also sway the direction of other people's lives. Majors, friends, girls, vocations. All that terrifies me, almost to death. These are not easy decisions to make, especially when you realize how important and extraordinary those decisions are. To become brothers with immortals, to enter a relationship with an immortal, these are incredibly powerful and extraordinary decisions that we make, and anyone in their right mind would be frightened. I realized through prayer, though, that it doesn't matter if you're scared. Mary was scared. Jesus was scared. To be frightened is not to be sinful, to be frightened is human. There is a part of us that will always be scared to death, paralyzingly unsure of what lies ahead of us, that part of our souls will never be slain. Rather, fear needs to be conquered, by the only thing that conquers anything. Love.
Christ conquered his fear not by rationalizing his position, and neither did Mary. They did it because they loved others, they loved God. With love in our hearts, a true, radical love, taking that first step into the unknown becomes possible. Not easy, not without intense and great fear, but possible. It is only love that gives us the spirit to move, and this fear is what in turn empowers love and makes love noble. Love is what we live for, it is the most important thing that exists within our lives. It is literally what God created us for, but what love is strong if it exists within safe complacency? Indeed, it is no love at all. The love that overcomes fear, conquers shaking terror, how strong that love truly is. Love that does not slay nor defeat terror, but love that commands terror, and in this command, masters it. In this way, fear is the heart of love. Fear is what elevates love to more than just a human emotion, fear is what makes love noble, desirable, and to the one who has never loved, insane. Without fear, I fear, love would become quite boring. It is the quality of feeling as a lost little child in a brand new world which makes new love so thrilling, and the fear of a dark future, the fear of death and lonliness which makes established love so noble, for in both instances, love will invariably overcome. Truly, it is better to love whether you win or lose or die.
So, I look out and I see a second season of the sitcom of my life. I am listening to Stevie Wonder, The Supremes, Marvin Gaye, and I am scared and unsure. I suspect that I will never stop feeling scared. My goal is not to stop the fears, but to love so strongly and radically, to love my God and my neighbor so passionately that my fear ends up becoming only motivation and power, pushing me on to greater heights and to the completion of my dreams. I have a very, very long way to go. But I'll get by with a little help from my friends.
Peace,
The Boy Pilgrim
My best friend Joe has this tendency to compare our lives to sitcoms. We have a group of four friends, and we hang around coffee shops and restaurants and talk about nothing. Its basically Seinfeld. From what my friends tell me, I am George, but I have to disagree. I'm not enough of a cheapster to be George.
Every semester of college is a new season of our sitcom, and Joe likes to plan ahead what is going to happen. Someone was supposed to die in season 1, but fortunately his prediction was incorrect. Season 1 ended with little to no international fanfare, but for me, there were many fireworks.
It has been a long semester of confusion for me. I entered into it completely unsure about my vocation, not knowing where my life was heading. There was no path in the woods, and I had no direction. I was a child. The way it felt was comparable to just sitting looking at a map of the entire world and not having any clue where you fit in. In the middle of the semester, however, a pattern seemed to come out of the woodwork. I started to see a path, maybe a delicate and faint path, but nevertheless there was a direction. I began to see, and I felt as though a page was turning in my life. I took those steps to get up off my ass and find out where I fit in. My odyssey had begun.
It was terrifying.
I am more timid than not, especially when it comes to making decisions that could potentially sway the direction of my life and also sway the direction of other people's lives. Majors, friends, girls, vocations. All that terrifies me, almost to death. These are not easy decisions to make, especially when you realize how important and extraordinary those decisions are. To become brothers with immortals, to enter a relationship with an immortal, these are incredibly powerful and extraordinary decisions that we make, and anyone in their right mind would be frightened. I realized through prayer, though, that it doesn't matter if you're scared. Mary was scared. Jesus was scared. To be frightened is not to be sinful, to be frightened is human. There is a part of us that will always be scared to death, paralyzingly unsure of what lies ahead of us, that part of our souls will never be slain. Rather, fear needs to be conquered, by the only thing that conquers anything. Love.
Christ conquered his fear not by rationalizing his position, and neither did Mary. They did it because they loved others, they loved God. With love in our hearts, a true, radical love, taking that first step into the unknown becomes possible. Not easy, not without intense and great fear, but possible. It is only love that gives us the spirit to move, and this fear is what in turn empowers love and makes love noble. Love is what we live for, it is the most important thing that exists within our lives. It is literally what God created us for, but what love is strong if it exists within safe complacency? Indeed, it is no love at all. The love that overcomes fear, conquers shaking terror, how strong that love truly is. Love that does not slay nor defeat terror, but love that commands terror, and in this command, masters it. In this way, fear is the heart of love. Fear is what elevates love to more than just a human emotion, fear is what makes love noble, desirable, and to the one who has never loved, insane. Without fear, I fear, love would become quite boring. It is the quality of feeling as a lost little child in a brand new world which makes new love so thrilling, and the fear of a dark future, the fear of death and lonliness which makes established love so noble, for in both instances, love will invariably overcome. Truly, it is better to love whether you win or lose or die.
So, I look out and I see a second season of the sitcom of my life. I am listening to Stevie Wonder, The Supremes, Marvin Gaye, and I am scared and unsure. I suspect that I will never stop feeling scared. My goal is not to stop the fears, but to love so strongly and radically, to love my God and my neighbor so passionately that my fear ends up becoming only motivation and power, pushing me on to greater heights and to the completion of my dreams. I have a very, very long way to go. But I'll get by with a little help from my friends.
Peace,
The Boy Pilgrim
Monday, December 10, 2012
Boy Pilgrim Manifesto
We are all pilgrims, trying to find our places in this world. Whether you be Atheist, Buddhist, Muslim, Jew, Taoist, Scientologist, Hindu, or, like myself, Christian, we are all pilgrims inevitably searching for the same thing: Home. Home not only in the life beyond this one, but our homes in this life, our meaning and our direction, to where and to whom we shall give our lives. This is a blog about my pilgrimage, moving from being a boy into becoming a man. Where I see beauty and where I find home. I am merely a spiritual child, I do not claim to be a wise man, and if you are here to find directions from someone who has done it all I implore you to leave and never come back, for your own sake. If you have come to journey with a Catholic college student whose only desire is to find where he fits in and to see the beauty of God hidden within the universe, I welcome you with open arms.
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